Paul's Big (Penis Book) Birthday

Last night we had dinner at Red Bamboo, a delicious vegan restaurant. The jokes were hilarious and decidely pun-free, the food was delicious and plentiful and the wine flowed like...wine. It was so nice to have everyone there that means so much to me. Yep, not one person was missing.

LOOK WHAT JORDAN GOT ME!


We flipped through it after dinner and reveled in all the ridiculously long penises. Mikey said "gross!" every time a minority showed up, which in a book like this is quite frequent as you can imagine. My favorites are the super white trash ones, e.g.

and


Pretty cool, huh??

Mikey got me some stuff. I guess it was cool, I dunno I can't remember.

What Jordan and Paul are missing playing and Mikey and Trudy are missing watching: MEGA MAN 9!!!

Yes it's true. Joe and I bought Mega Man 9 for the Playstation. Here's some hot video action! It's in the old fashion 8 bit style and my earlier play beating Mega Man 2, beating the game by myself I recall, has prepared me for this incredible mission. There are 8 new bad dudes with weapons to steal, including Concrete Man, Gem Man, and even a woman character! Splash Woman. To no one's surprise Splash woman's level was the easiest. Joe and I have yet to beat any level as the game is very hard, but you can now collect little screws which are like money to buy items, both old and new. You can buy extra lives and energies, but also a few new items and costumes. Joe and I were playing the game last night having the time of our lives when we heard a voice from the bedroom asking us to turn down the sound, it was Joe and I's nemesis Maureen Frost. As Joe went to the room to politely say he would follow her orders, I bull rushed past him and yelled right in Mo's face "Hey, do you even understand what were doing out there! Concrete man is kicking our ass and we still need over 100 more screws to buy 2 energies! Shut your yapper!" Joe proceeded to fall to the floor laughing and Mo was soon in tears. See what you guys are missing!

Challenge: Jordan, buy Mega Man 9 on the Wii and the first ones to beat it win a deliciously cooked meal/BJ from Trudy. I have not gone over this with Truds yet, but lets just I can work my PGB (Permanent Goof Ball) skills to get her on board.

Tryouts for New Bash Brother Begins

Tryouts for a new Bash Brother began last night. The air was thick with anticipation as a new candidate seemed to show much promise. However, the tryouts soon turn into what can only be described as hopelessly disappointing. Bash Brother hopeful Mikey "90210" Fabiani was poised to take the title. Unfortunately after several failed attempts at PUMPING Jordan was forced to cancel last nights tryouts. Contestant Fabiani was heard to remark "Hey Gurrrl" after loosing his grip and falling to the floor. After nearly breaking both legs in a non-Bash Bro. display of weakness Judges across the board did not hold back their disgust.

Randy Jackson: Dog! You were awful! You should kill yourself.

Paula: (5 minutes of clapping and Stevie Wonder head swaying)(2 min blank stare) America fell in love with the innocence of a kid who just was honest, saying, I did the best I could, and I had no formal training. My vagina bleeds daily (More Clapping)!!

Simon: Why am I here?!

It seems the search will continue. Original Bash Bro. founder Jordan "Pump'n & Dump'n" Farray, now looks to his only hope Paul "new Bash Bro." Miller to fill the spot. Sources say Paul is eager to except the challenge and rape Mikey into humiliation. God speed, Miller.

Terrorism: Fashion Do's and Don'ts

Don't suicide bomb the local schools and markets.
Do wear this adorable black and red scarf!!!

Thanks to Ali I now own a genuine terrorist scarf from Egypt! Praise Allah! Its a good thing for me that in New York, terrorist = Hipster Cool. Williamsburg here I coMMMMe!!!

Hitchcock on Broadway is Almost as Good as Hitching a Cock in my Mouth!

So, Paul's beautiful friend Jess and her boyfriend Mike were so kind as to treated us to a Broadway play, The 39 steps. It was so sweet of them! I'm not sure if it was the play, all the alcohol i guzzled moments before, or the fact that i was blazed out of my mind, but I had so much fun...after i realized where i was, of course. I think the best part was when Mikey wasn't there. Afterwards we ate India at that place no one goes into. I think its because of all the Indians {whispered}. According to my parents Indians killed Jesus and raped me when I was a baby, which explains a lot. If only I could remember that magical moment :( God bless Anmol and his ancestors.


Final Verdict : The 39 Steps is a staircase to HILARITY!!

Recent Obsession: Soulja Girl on Marta

Here's some stuff I made Jordan watch last night, c/o one Sergio Cea.

This requires that you view not one, but two youtube videos. The first is the clip of this woman screaming and 'freestyling' at this old lady on the Marta in Atlanta. Seriously, she's fucking nuts. It goes from being hilarious to weird, back to hilarious and then even weirder.



Now this is where it gets really good. This is the REMIX of our dear Soulja Girl's antics, so you kind of have to watch the first clip in order to appreciate this one... Note: She says everything from this vid in the other one --even the WHOOO noise.



Congratulations. If you made it through all that you will now have "you thought I couldn't freestyle on you, boo?" stuck in yr head. I've been going between that and "I'ma beat yo ass on dis traaaiinn".

Thanks to smergface for showing us the light!

Wake up....San Francisco

Greetings from San Fran! How I miss all of you and the endless supply of dirty dishes and mice poop. This city is great and very Paul Miller friendly. Damn veegans! I had to stop myself from walking a mile a minute on several occasions and singing the Full House theme song every chance I get. Geoff and Scott live in a lovely neighborhood filled with old and bald beefcakes that would migrate to jordan's asshole faster than he could swallow a block of feta. The club was packed just like the ritz but played tons of pop videos. UM did anyone know that Britney Murphy has a song and video out? Horrible! We went to napa valley yesterday, downed some cases of wine and then returned to SF for a dinner party where I managed to convince the gays to play cake fart! I had to give Pat credit for finding it but the reactions you get from this video are priceless...especially when the flames are out in full force! Thanks for bringing cake farts to the tv screen frosty! Geoff and I just returned from a bike ride throughout the city which included a stop at the beach and a Japanese tea garden. I only yelled Opal once! We are now going to go hunt down a Coffee Bean via the trolley. Watch out Emily Valentine, here I come! U4EA lives!

Tears Quickly Turn to Violence

Jordan Cries at Work...Again!

Pat, you totally missed it! Today started off GREAT! I had a cup of coffee and a bum even tried to kiss me. Nothing sweeter then bum lips. Its like kissing a sexy scab. But then as I was working at my soul crushing job it hit me like Trudy when she's had a few. You were really gone! I cried and cried and cried, took a dump (cried, pushed, cried), and cried. Who's money I'm I going to secretly take for years and years? Who's going to pretend to be my rich, successful, albeit hopelessly unattractive, boyfriend? (sigh) How could you do this to me!!!


P.S. I didn't really have to push. You know me. It just slid right out.