Why I Miss Baseball

Because Dodger Fans suck!




Because all Baseball Players are smoking hot gay guys.



Because sometimes the fans are just as gay.



Because sometimes, people get punched in the face!





Finally, because animals and alien-type creatures can play the game too!

Check out these Babes

Hereeeeeee Comes our next Secretary of Babe......Hilllllllllllllaryyyyyyyy Clinton!!! Ten bucks says she punches Putin in the face in the first year.






Sad news folks, Rosie's Variety Show was cancelled after just one appearance. Apparently, it was because it was Godawful or something like it. I can't wait to see how she'll force her way into our lives and annoy us again!





And a final shout out to the greatest president in US history Wwwwwwwww!

90210 Beach Party

Dear Scott Scanlon,

Steve Sanders and Kelly Taylor threw me a 27th birthday party last week!  I wish you could have been there instead of heading to San Diego.

Obama, President or Undercover Party Dude? ...Brah!!

So, I totally forgot about this beautiful display of young America "rocking" the vote until I consulted with my brain, by brain i mean iPhone and by iPhone I mean iGurl. Anyway, Tuesday November 4th, 2008 was more than a monumental and historic moment in American history, it was also the drunkiest election ever!!! Citizens of the world were on a rampage and ready to explode. The Target, their minds!!

If you were in an apartment and not one of the many foot soldiers on the streets, take a gander at what the battle grounds of New York City looked like.

And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free and I wont forget the man who...America the beautiful. USA USA USA USA!!!!!

The Timinator!

The Giants 24 year old pitcher Tim Lincecum won the Cy Young award today. He is just small enough to be boyishly cute for you guys and just awesome enough a pitcher for me to have a crush on him.



The last pic is of a bunch of fellow Giants virtually partying with Timmy.

What else Pat missed

I read this book!

I aspire to blogging the most boringest blogs ever blogged on this blog! Anybody just try and beat Puritan history! Anyway, this book is about my forebearers (Massachusetts Bay, 1636, holla!). Pat feels left out because it is about how my relatives liked to burn whole Indian villages alive, including women and children, and shoot to death those that tried to escape. Or, if we were light of the pocket, and didn't feel like wasting good kindling, we would sell them into slavery in Bermuda (hello vacation!) Then eventually we let them come back and build Foxwoods, and now it's the best job in the state (since we don't make nuke subs anymore).
You're welcome for the history lesson.

Pat doesn't miss anything in my life because my life is boring.

But I do still watch things on TV. Here is a clip of raw foodies on Wife Swap reacting to eating hamburgers very soberly.



My favorite part is at the end. Pay attention, and try to decide if that is poo or vomit in the toliet. I can't tell!
Also, I watched the same thing everyone else on the internet watched today:



Baby hippo! Remember the pygmy hippo they used to have at the Fresno Zoo?
Anyway, these two videos show the sum of my human emotions.

My New Hero

Hello me jiggas!!!! Here's a rather humorous video about what else....Mega Man 9! The video is of a teenage dude, who is some major video game critic who makes video from his room, who is playing Mega Man 9 for the first time. Long story short, he struggles and gets really frustrated, cusses a bunch, and is just plain hilarious. No doubt it helps if you know the game a little, but I'm sure you'll be more than entertained.

Paul's Big (Penis Book) Birthday

Last night we had dinner at Red Bamboo, a delicious vegan restaurant. The jokes were hilarious and decidely pun-free, the food was delicious and plentiful and the wine flowed like...wine. It was so nice to have everyone there that means so much to me. Yep, not one person was missing.

LOOK WHAT JORDAN GOT ME!


We flipped through it after dinner and reveled in all the ridiculously long penises. Mikey said "gross!" every time a minority showed up, which in a book like this is quite frequent as you can imagine. My favorites are the super white trash ones, e.g.

and


Pretty cool, huh??

Mikey got me some stuff. I guess it was cool, I dunno I can't remember.

What Jordan and Paul are missing playing and Mikey and Trudy are missing watching: MEGA MAN 9!!!

Yes it's true. Joe and I bought Mega Man 9 for the Playstation. Here's some hot video action! It's in the old fashion 8 bit style and my earlier play beating Mega Man 2, beating the game by myself I recall, has prepared me for this incredible mission. There are 8 new bad dudes with weapons to steal, including Concrete Man, Gem Man, and even a woman character! Splash Woman. To no one's surprise Splash woman's level was the easiest. Joe and I have yet to beat any level as the game is very hard, but you can now collect little screws which are like money to buy items, both old and new. You can buy extra lives and energies, but also a few new items and costumes. Joe and I were playing the game last night having the time of our lives when we heard a voice from the bedroom asking us to turn down the sound, it was Joe and I's nemesis Maureen Frost. As Joe went to the room to politely say he would follow her orders, I bull rushed past him and yelled right in Mo's face "Hey, do you even understand what were doing out there! Concrete man is kicking our ass and we still need over 100 more screws to buy 2 energies! Shut your yapper!" Joe proceeded to fall to the floor laughing and Mo was soon in tears. See what you guys are missing!

Challenge: Jordan, buy Mega Man 9 on the Wii and the first ones to beat it win a deliciously cooked meal/BJ from Trudy. I have not gone over this with Truds yet, but lets just I can work my PGB (Permanent Goof Ball) skills to get her on board.

Tryouts for New Bash Brother Begins

Tryouts for a new Bash Brother began last night. The air was thick with anticipation as a new candidate seemed to show much promise. However, the tryouts soon turn into what can only be described as hopelessly disappointing. Bash Brother hopeful Mikey "90210" Fabiani was poised to take the title. Unfortunately after several failed attempts at PUMPING Jordan was forced to cancel last nights tryouts. Contestant Fabiani was heard to remark "Hey Gurrrl" after loosing his grip and falling to the floor. After nearly breaking both legs in a non-Bash Bro. display of weakness Judges across the board did not hold back their disgust.

Randy Jackson: Dog! You were awful! You should kill yourself.

Paula: (5 minutes of clapping and Stevie Wonder head swaying)(2 min blank stare) America fell in love with the innocence of a kid who just was honest, saying, I did the best I could, and I had no formal training. My vagina bleeds daily (More Clapping)!!

Simon: Why am I here?!

It seems the search will continue. Original Bash Bro. founder Jordan "Pump'n & Dump'n" Farray, now looks to his only hope Paul "new Bash Bro." Miller to fill the spot. Sources say Paul is eager to except the challenge and rape Mikey into humiliation. God speed, Miller.

Terrorism: Fashion Do's and Don'ts

Don't suicide bomb the local schools and markets.
Do wear this adorable black and red scarf!!!

Thanks to Ali I now own a genuine terrorist scarf from Egypt! Praise Allah! Its a good thing for me that in New York, terrorist = Hipster Cool. Williamsburg here I coMMMMe!!!

Hitchcock on Broadway is Almost as Good as Hitching a Cock in my Mouth!

So, Paul's beautiful friend Jess and her boyfriend Mike were so kind as to treated us to a Broadway play, The 39 steps. It was so sweet of them! I'm not sure if it was the play, all the alcohol i guzzled moments before, or the fact that i was blazed out of my mind, but I had so much fun...after i realized where i was, of course. I think the best part was when Mikey wasn't there. Afterwards we ate India at that place no one goes into. I think its because of all the Indians {whispered}. According to my parents Indians killed Jesus and raped me when I was a baby, which explains a lot. If only I could remember that magical moment :( God bless Anmol and his ancestors.


Final Verdict : The 39 Steps is a staircase to HILARITY!!

Recent Obsession: Soulja Girl on Marta

Here's some stuff I made Jordan watch last night, c/o one Sergio Cea.

This requires that you view not one, but two youtube videos. The first is the clip of this woman screaming and 'freestyling' at this old lady on the Marta in Atlanta. Seriously, she's fucking nuts. It goes from being hilarious to weird, back to hilarious and then even weirder.



Now this is where it gets really good. This is the REMIX of our dear Soulja Girl's antics, so you kind of have to watch the first clip in order to appreciate this one... Note: She says everything from this vid in the other one --even the WHOOO noise.



Congratulations. If you made it through all that you will now have "you thought I couldn't freestyle on you, boo?" stuck in yr head. I've been going between that and "I'ma beat yo ass on dis traaaiinn".

Thanks to smergface for showing us the light!

Wake up....San Francisco

Greetings from San Fran! How I miss all of you and the endless supply of dirty dishes and mice poop. This city is great and very Paul Miller friendly. Damn veegans! I had to stop myself from walking a mile a minute on several occasions and singing the Full House theme song every chance I get. Geoff and Scott live in a lovely neighborhood filled with old and bald beefcakes that would migrate to jordan's asshole faster than he could swallow a block of feta. The club was packed just like the ritz but played tons of pop videos. UM did anyone know that Britney Murphy has a song and video out? Horrible! We went to napa valley yesterday, downed some cases of wine and then returned to SF for a dinner party where I managed to convince the gays to play cake fart! I had to give Pat credit for finding it but the reactions you get from this video are priceless...especially when the flames are out in full force! Thanks for bringing cake farts to the tv screen frosty! Geoff and I just returned from a bike ride throughout the city which included a stop at the beach and a Japanese tea garden. I only yelled Opal once! We are now going to go hunt down a Coffee Bean via the trolley. Watch out Emily Valentine, here I come! U4EA lives!

Tears Quickly Turn to Violence

Jordan Cries at Work...Again!

Pat, you totally missed it! Today started off GREAT! I had a cup of coffee and a bum even tried to kiss me. Nothing sweeter then bum lips. Its like kissing a sexy scab. But then as I was working at my soul crushing job it hit me like Trudy when she's had a few. You were really gone! I cried and cried and cried, took a dump (cried, pushed, cried), and cried. Who's money I'm I going to secretly take for years and years? Who's going to pretend to be my rich, successful, albeit hopelessly unattractive, boyfriend? (sigh) How could you do this to me!!!


P.S. I didn't really have to push. You know me. It just slid right out.

Not True

I don't know where that sign came from, but it is a flat out lie. Will 'The Thrill' Clark, my hero, is not gay and I have videos of him raping females to prove it. Man, it's been days since I made a rape joke, whewww. (sorry Trudy) Now....


What you foolios are missing in Fresno:

I spent this morning going through boxes of all my old stuff and deciding what to take to SD, what to trash, and what to force my dad to hold for the next 50 years. Let's just say I found some dynamite possessions! First off, I found my old Giants jacket that could fit on Chewbacca, man that jacket used to get me laid all the time! Second, I know you guys thought that I brought a lot of large or X large clothes to New York, but you should see what I left behind! XXL galore. I found not three or four, but 5 Indiana shirts! Jordan, I also found that old OLV red shirt with everyone's signature, including Jordan's whole name on the collar, a prime position, what a pompous jerk! Thirdly, I found about four giant boxes full of baseball cards valued at over $2 million! I also found my old Giants helmet shaped Lamp (like this one, but radder) that was and still is sooo cool. Trophies galore were also found, including Number #1 Catholic 1992-4, numerous student of the months, and five thousand Most Inspirationals! This is just the tip of the iceberg! What did you guys find in New York today? hahahaha

Next Installment from the Fresno Scene: Steve 'Wonderful' Frost stars in a local television commercial!

Baseball Hero Falls from Grace...G47...G47

Pat, you totally missed it! So it looks like famed baseball legend William Nuschler Clark, Jr. has "come out" of retirement. It seems that popular west village gay bar Pieces has recently employed the sports star . News has it the Jints are furious with the recent homosexual enthusiasm of Will "the Thrill" Clark. Past Giants manager Roger Craig was heard to remark in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated "Clark sure knew how to suck a "D". The only thing that power bottom loved more than poppers & contracting the AIDS virus was BINGO". Pat who knew your childhood hero and I share so many similarities!!

Jordan Continues to Read "Death Note"

Pat, you totally missed it! Last night while I was pretending to enjoy Survivor "Earth's Last Eden" I was really reading the third installment of the manga series Death Note. The plan is to emotionally swindle Mikey into thinking I’m his best friend...I know, as if. Bash Bros. 4-EVER!! Anyway, the manga started off good, not great, but good. Shout out to my dog Karre! The main character is Light Yagami. He finds a note book one day which happens to belong to a god of death or a shinigami. If one writes the name of a person he knows in the "death note" then that person, given you don’t specify the method of death or TOD, will die of a heart attack within 16mins. If you write a name in the death note you have 6min and 40sec to detail the time of death and exactly what they do before the moment of truth. What I would give for a death note...Treasa takes money out of the ATM to payback Pat and Jordan (Jordan never tells Pat. Gives Pat’s money to Obama campaign). After money is given to Jordan Tess dies of explosive diarrhea. Police find Tess on the streets in pile of feces. Feces described in Police report as petrified due to years of incubation.

Laugh your fat ass off

Previously on Survivor: Gabon - Earth's Last Eden

New tribes were formed on Survivor and this bitch got voted out.

Of course she is from Santa Barbara, CA.

Bob aka Pat in 30 years is still in the game.

OMFG

Hey there Upper East Siders,

Gossip Girl is officially gone. Without him, we are lost... Like a blind man in an orgy, we're going to have to feel our way around.

You know you love him.

xoxo.